All Episodes

Episode 40 (September 27, 2018)


This week's host - the great Mitch.

The Important Questions has some great updates for you all below. So be sure to read the entire paragraph. Honestly, my show notes should never take more than like 3 minutes to read. I'd like to see the person who sees my notes and thinks they're too intimidating. For this week, here's what we got in store for everyone.

Mitch kicks us off with an intro question...

Episode 39 (September 13, 2018)

Against everyone's better judgement and the masses saying don't do it, we're here with a 39th episode of dumb shit banter because we love all three of you, assuming you stuck around for the last 4 months wondering "O fuk I wonder where The Important Poquies went?"

For our new wave of fans that are born, we welcome you. Please tell us your name asap so we can humiliate ourselves because someone talked to us or acknowledged our existence. 

But since the podcast is back full...

How Low Episode 9 - Suckin' Tapeworms From A Cat's Anus (April 20, 2018)

This week on How Low, discover the minimum amount of money necessary to suck a tapeworm from a cat's anus.

Episode 38 (April 05, 2018)

This week on The Important Questions, Dave begs listeners to call into the voicemail line set up for the show @ (815) 905-1138. 

Dave will also be using #PodernFamily on Twitter in hopes some person will reach out without any context of the show whatsoever by the way. Sometimes those people are nice, but a lot of those jackasses just use #PodernFamily to promote their own shows without offering any subsequent advice, feedback, or enjoyment from others. Self...

The Important Questions

How Low Episode 8 - Painful Diarrhea (March 30, 2018)

This week on How Low, we discuss the lowest amount of money necessary to force us to hold onto painful diarrhea for 12 hours.

Episode 37 (March 22, 2018)

Here's this - The Important Questions Aloha Theme

This week, we finally reach back to the fans who took the time to write in. And by the way superfans, you can call us now! That voicemail line is (815) 905-1138. Call us and let us know some shit!

Art this week by Mitch. And the questions this week are:

1) What's are some real ways we can discourage violence?

2) How would humanity adapt if we were...

How Low Episode 7 - Sticky Fingers (March 15, 2018)

Hey new episode. Alright.

If you were offered money to have sticky, syrup fingers for the rest of your life, how little money would it take to convince you?


New Important Poqua next week. Dave will be traveling for his job but will still remember to upload next Thursday.

Rsz 2rsz cover art

Hey there Poqua fans! Did you know the show now has a VOICEMAIL LINE? That's right - you...

Episode 36 (March 08, 2018)

Welcome to the 36th episode of The Important Questions, and to our Pakistani friends, stay tuned for a special message at the bottom of our show notes. 

This week we are playing the much beloved The Important Questions Theme in A Capella

Art this week by the talented Mitch, constructing our muppified-puppet creations into a royal rumble while he was working. 

And for those who...

How Low Episode 6 - You Are Special (March 01, 2018)

It's a double artwork kinda week. The kinda week where Smitty scribbles art at his job where his asshole boss won't let him go until 8 or take a single day off in April to go fishing with the guys. Who the fuck doesn't allow for a single day off? I mean, Smitty ain't even like a doctor or a medical professional. Fuckin' dude isn't a public servant or fire fighter....shit he ain't even a teacher anymore. Anyways, fuck that dude. 

The other artwork featured above is Dave ripping off...

Episode 35 (February 21, 2018)

Check out our featured theme song of the week! The Important Questions Theme Punk Style

First and foremost - note the artwork. Smitty's artwork. And, our first topic of the episode. Shoutout to our one and only white fan not from Pakistan or Malaysia. Pls tell ur friends about us :(

Also for anyone who is a fan but never liked our social media shit, by simply acknowledging our existence, you can be a part...

How Low Episode 5 - The Insect Box (February 15, 2018)

Please check out Scott's brilliant and triumphant work - The How Low Theme

Scott has been working hard. He even did the art for this week, and that's always a treat.

Anyways, welcome to How Low, The Important Questions ugly, unpopular, semi-retarded, and hated brother. This is the show where we whore ourselves out for 10-20 minutes and see how little dignity we have by accepting the least amount of money possible for a...

Episode 34 (February 08, 2018)

Check out this week's featured theme song! The Important Questions Theme in 8 bit

It's back! The Important Questions can never die, only sleep. It's been a long 3 months, and we're sure you all missed us dearly, and by us we mean especially Mitch. We missed Mitch too. Mitch is fantastic. 

Art this week is a fat smoking piece of crap depicted by the artistically gifted Smitty. 

Now for the...

How Low Episode 4 - Getting Naked (February 01, 2018)

Check this out - The How Low Theme

So here's another How Low. Since you bastards didn't get the picture, we're doing How Low since the podcast needed time to not be busy. But shit, The Important Questions is coming back next Thursday and will be released every other Thursday. We wanted to be sure we wouldn't burn out again, and this new schedule seems to work. In the mean time, the off weeks will have a How Low episode. If you...

How Low Episode 3 - Spontaneous Ejaculation (December 27, 2017)

Upper art is stolen from Google but with minimal editing from Dave. Lower art is from Smitty on a sticky note canvas. How Low's theme by Scott. 

Please enjoy your next 12 minutes as you embark on a journey of some dudes that see how much their dignity is really worth. For the next 3 years we'll all be spontaneously ejaculating. How much are they paying us for that? Eh, somewhere around $8 per ejaculation.

Oh, and The Important Questions returns in...

How Low Episode 2 - Lose a Finger (December 05, 2017)

Hello patient fans. You've been waiting so long for the great return of The Important Questions. And we get that, we feel that pain. 

Talks were had this week with the guys, and TIQ will be coming back shortly after 2018! Until then, here's How Low Episode 2. What's the minimum amount of money you think is acceptable to have a finger chopped off? Join us as we discuss the value of each of our digits.

How Low Episode 1 - Eat Shit (November 16, 2017)

If you're dying to get more content from the gang, we've just so happened to create a sideshow a few months back that has a handful of episodes to bridge the gap so you don't complete forget about us. 

So this is How Low - a podcast with short episodes that attack one issue per week. The premise: what is the minimum amount of money you'd accept to take on a certain task?

Episode 1 is a little gross, but some episodes take on bodily injuries, living in certain situations...

Episode 33 (October 26, 2017)

Hey check it out! It's the The Important Questions Theme Song original! In the event our wonderful show dies this week, we felt like this would tie off the loose ends. But hey let's hope that doesn't happen. What I'm getting at is, submit your questions! Keep us motivated! Not saying we won't be back regardless. 

Context: Smitty, Mitch, Scott, and I decided to take the holiday months to not...

The Listener Special: Volume 3 (October 19, 2017)

This is the 2nd week promoting our newest theme - The Important Questions Shitty Fluted

We hope you've enjoyed this week celebrating 1 year of Important Questions - if you have not already done so, hit up our episode directory and check our the Year 1 Revisit and the Best of Compilation of our first year. 

To cap off our birthday week - here's our finale. The 3rd round of questions submitted by fans of...

The Year 1 Revisit (October 18, 2017)

As our 2nd gift you all on TIQ's glorious birthday week - please enjoy this new original episode consisting of questions we've had in our first year that you all thought we should try to speak more to.

1) How can we create The Oregon Trail again tailored to space travel?

2) How can we make the fortunes in fortune cookies better?

3) Who would be on Satan's reindeer team?

4) Where is the line between a big dick being a gift or curse?


Best Moments of Year 1 (October 16, 2017)

Thank you for being our fan through the first year of our shit show! As our gift to you, please enjoy 3 releases this week - the first of which is this lovely compilation of the funniest moments of our first year as a podcast! Stay tuned, more dropping later this week!

Episode 32 (October 12, 2017)

It's the first week that you can download The Important Questions Shitty Fluted and we sure hope that you do.

Also enjoy this week's art by Smitty - Earth Sandwich. 

And we are ONE week away from the anniversary week of our show! More details coming soon on our social media sites! It will include a few more releases from us than usual and some details on the future of the show and other content as...

Episode 31 (October 05, 2017)

This is the final week to download The Important Questions Hardcore Theme 

.........unless you go to the episode directory and download there for the infinite amount of time it's there.

And just for fun, one more week to obtain this wonderful Scott Crane Alarm Clock

Now if you're wondering what the next 1:06:17 is going...

Episode 30 (September 28, 2017)

Week 2 of the fantastic The Important Questions Hardcore Theme available for download. Or wait until the grand album release and get them all at once! Or try to win The Important Questions Theme Songs vinyl when that happens. Coming soon. Still a lot more genres left untouched. 

Anyways, you're probably all here for show notes and then to hear me ramble about how you should follow @mista_smiff...

Episode 29 (September 21, 2017)

This is week 1 of our most brutal and heavy theme. You will have 3 weeks to enjoy it. The anger is real. The pain is real.

The Important Questions Hardcore Theme

Anyways we've started polling for our revisit questions - just throwing up a handful at a time and seeing what gets votes. In order to vote go to @ImpQuestionsPDC on Twitter and let us know what you want to hear again! Our first birthday...

Episode 28 (September 14, 2017)

Hey folks, this is the last week. Download The Important Questions Aloha Theme and get ready for next week's new theme! This week's art brought to you by Smitty featuring an amputee sitting in the Important Questions BBQ sauce, available soon through our store.

But seriously, in the coming weeks we're going to need help! Help from you - the fans, the listeners, the acolytes at home. By going to our contact or...

Episode 27 (September 07, 2017)

The Important Questions Aloha Theme

That link up there - that's our featured theme song for last week, this week, and the week to come. We're releasing new genres every 3 weeks until we've used them all up. Then, something magical is coming! Keep your ears peeled.

Anyways, welcome to episode 27, the episode that features our characters as homeless folk - relevant to Mr. Crane's questions of the week. Hope you...

Episode 26 (August 31, 2017)

Have you heard our latest in our line of theme songs? If not, here's a way for you to start:

--------------------- > The Important Questions Aloha Theme

Art by Smitty and on time by Smitty. Feat sexy Abe Lincoln

Be sure and listen to the end and get a feel for where the show is going for our first year anniversary! 3 shows in 1 week and we're going to need your help!

But without...

The Lightning Round: Volume 3 (August 24, 2017)

If you haven't yet downloaded The Important Questions Theme Punk Style then why not do it now?

This week again features 2 arts - Mitch got involved in the fun! Scroll down for Smitty making salty art about how we always pick on him for loving his own goddamn farts. 

Now if you're not already aware, we've done 2 lightning round style episodes in the past, and we encourage you to give them a...

Episode 25 (August 17, 2017)

Hey, for the next 2 weeks we're showing off The Important Questions Theme Punk Style in our series of theme song genres. More to come!

Assuming Smitty returns some artwork, I'll post it at the bottom of the page. This week, myself, the great Dave, drew up a masterpiece of art to feature. Mitch drinks aids, but only a taste.

The questions for this week...

Episode 24 (August 10, 2017)

Welcome all to week 24. Sincere apologies for taking the last week off, but shit happens. Anyways, as is tradition. Please download our newest theme song! The Important Questions Theme Punk Style

This week features a great nsfw piece of titty art. Pls enjoy. 

Questions for the week are as follows:

1) Yeah, everyone has heard of the age old question "what's the deal with airline food"...

Episode 23 - Smitty vs. the Trinidad Scorpion (July 27, 2017)

This is our last week advertising The Important Questions Theme in A Capella but next week there will be another new and fantastic genre!

Please enjoy our sweet rat art from Smitty's hand to your brain. Also, stick around til the end! Smitty will be eating the world's 2nd hottest pepper - The Trinidad Scorpion!

If you make it that far, we reward you all with a lightning round question: Why...

Episode 22 (July 20, 2017)

If you have not yet downloaded The Important Questions Theme in A Capella then please find the time to do so now!

Also enjoy our weekly artwork that Smitty brings to the table. This one's related to question #4 of this week. 

This week, we're beginning the hype for next week. Will Smitty die next week during his ultimate challenge? Find out next time, but also stay tuned for this week too. The...

Episode 21 (July 13, 2017)

This week, please enjoy the third version of our theme song. Warning: stupid. The Important Questions Theme in A Capella

How stupid can one week of the show be? Last week we tried and succeeded at a world record yeah boi. Last week we discussed why Smitty loves his farts. So just how stupid can our 21st episode be?

Please enjoy our artwork for the week too, a lovely depiction of our acolyte...

Episode 20 - Smitty Breaks a World Record (July 06, 2017)

Be sure to download The Important Questions Theme in 8 bit and you'll have about 35 seconds of fun. 

Speaking of 35 seconds of fun, you're in for 39 seconds of world shattering record breaking this week in our special 20th episode! 

You've all seen the video of that kid that attempts the longest...

Episode 19 (June 29, 2017)

Hey folks, if you haven't checked out The Important Questions Theme in 8 bit then you're really missing out. It's the first of many different genres our theme will be transformed to. 

Hear our intro? That was Myk O'Connor. He runs a podcast called Can I Get a Ride which gives a funny perspective of the ride sharing world from a career...

The Listener Special: Volume 2 (June 22, 2017)

First and foremost, we have the first new genre of theme song this week! Please feel free to check out and download The Important Questions Theme in 8 bit

This week's art is a dick tree. Thanks, Smitty. 

If you're here for the 2017 Dark Lord Imperial Stout review, click around the 53 minute mark. But listen to the rest too, we're pretty good.

This is the 2nd of our listener episodes. All 4...

Episode 18 (June 14, 2017)

The Important Questions now has a new and permanent recording location! This of course means more episodes, a more consistent schedule, and new content and website additions! We're dropping episodes every Thursday as we did before, with the exception of this late Wednesday release. I'll put more of the "what's happening" after the show notes. 

But first, make sure you download that The Important...

Episode 17 (May 09, 2017)

Have you downloaded The Important Questions Theme Song yet?

This week's artwork depicts Smitty's question pummeling him in a brilliant comic sans font. Praise be to comic sans!

Due to my shitty cohosts interrupting me, I start this episode off. I want to know how more sports can be tailored to the fat and untalented. With baseball, we created softball. With golf, we created mini-golf. Now my fatass doesn't...

The Lightning Round: Volume 2 (May 02, 2017)

The Important Questions Theme Song

As always, download our theme song!

Some fans may remember around December of 2016 we dropped a lightning round episode. Well, we had a few months since then, and we all got another question that would be great if we were forced to only talk about it for 5 minutes. That's the catch of these episodes: if we can't finish the topic in 5 minutes, we don't. 

We hope...

Episode 16 (April 25, 2017)

Be sure to download The Important Questions Theme Song

This week's artwork depicts a cancerous meme. Don't stare too long. It's like the sun or something. As always, the artwork is brought to you by Smitty. 

Mitch kicks off our 16th episode. Why don't commercials for products simply embrace their secondary uses? Those tissues, that lotion, that toilet paper..... Also, why are people so offended by...

The Important Questions Episode 15 (April 18, 2017)

Podcast theme master

As always, feel free to download our theme song composed by Dave, Mitch, and Scott.

Episode 15's artwork features myself, Dave, as a Sims character shooting up. Leads into my question for this week. However, I'm down at question #2 for this episode. First question goes to Smitty. 

The Harry Potter universe has a lot to offer by itself but doesn't explore the possibilities of all the fetishes...

Episode 14 (April 11, 2017)

Podcast theme master

If you dig our theme song, Mitch, Scott, and I wrote that. Feel free to download it by clicking that wonderful link.

Welcome back fans. It's been 2 long months of basking in questions without anybody to answer them, and I'm happy to say we're not dead and will be answering those questions yet again. Please enjoy this week's art by Smitty which he couldn't scan because technology still sucks and...

The Early Tapes: Volume 3 (February 03, 2017)

Welcome to this, our final in the archived series of demos that we recorded before our initial show release. 

These shows were recorded as our starting point, and we had much to learn from these. Also, most could probably realize we upgraded Mitch's microphone. Take these for what they are. There's definitely some good parts here and there. This week:

I ask about building pay to poop facilities. Every human need has been monetized except for our need to defecate. If your...

The Early Tapes Volume 2 (January 26, 2017)

We lazy bastards weren't able to record an episode this week. Please enjoy the 2nd of our wonderful demos of the show before we began releasing content. I would do better notes this week, but for the life of me, I don't remember much of what we talked about. 

What I do know is that these demos were a learning experience and helped craft the podcast we know today. Our original intent was to lie about our backgrounds and tell people Smitty worked at McDonald's in a constant...

Episode 13 (January 19, 2017)

Unlucky episode 13. Hopefully what's inside doesn't kill you.

This week features 4 questions instead of our usual 4 questions. Sorry everybody.

First question - most title loan stores end up in an old Pizza Hut or Taco Bell. Could you theoretically just go in and demand food?

Secondly, how are our comparisons to things legitimate if we say things are "good as shit" and "good as tits" if they're both meant to be the same?

Why are old people so slow if they have...

Episode 12 (January 12, 2017)

"It's not colored because I'm a pretentious piece of shit."

-Smitty on why artwork of himself is black and white. There's your explanation.

For those of you who read my show notes, thank you. You are the reason I type show notes. These show notes are the show notes for our 12th episode. 

Mitch hosts this week and tried something new by giving us a quick lightning question right off the bat. If your doctor gave you a prostate exam and described the results to you using...

The Important Questions Episode 11 (January 05, 2017)


Hey guys, we here at The Important Questions like doing nice things. This week, we encourage you all to donate to St. Jude and their spectacular medical research. Also, we're going to do some donating ourselves. For every 5 downloads before January 31, we will pitch in $1. 

Give generously!

One more bit before the content of our show this week - huge...

The Important Questions Episode 10 (December 29, 2016)

Fair warning....episode 10 features our opinions on several celebrities. And since we don't really matter...please just assume we're jealous of their fame and fortune. 

Mitch opens up this episode, which has never been done before. We dive into the world of history with King Henry VIII, the king famous for chopping heads off women who couldn't give him a son. It's well known that he was a famous musician and composer. Knowing the person he was, what was the genre and...

The Important Questions

The Important Questions: Episode 9 (December 22, 2016)

Dave here, and welcome to our ninth episode of our regular content. This week, we had a lot on our minds and several open ended questions that you may have had yourself. 

Before we dive into content, I want to give my support to the podcast Srsly Casual for being along our side through our early episodes and being the good friends they are. For all the support they've shown us, we do the same for them. Give them a listen!

The Important Questions

The Lightning Round: Volume I (December 15, 2016)

Our first season is over and we've accumulated a fair deal of questions that didn't make the cut. Perhaps they just weren't good enough. Perhaps they were, but didn't warrant as much discussion. This episode, we took all of those unloved questions and made them the stars. This episode features 8 questions at 5 minutes a piece.

  • How does Extenze know to target the penis?
  • How come noses look weird?
  • Why is 48 hour deodorant a selling point?
  • Was daylight savings...

The Important Questions

The Listener Special: Volume 1 (December 08, 2016)

This is the episode that you, the listeners, have created. We read through the questions submitted and have 3 ready to explain and discuss,

Our first listener asks how cavemen know their one night stands are over. Our second listener question is regarding the best way out of a speeding ticket. Finally, we cap it off with the classic: How do blind people know when they're done wiping?

Listeners - keep submitting your questions! This is just Volume 1 and we hope to continue...

The Important Questions

The Early Tapes: Volume 1 (December 01, 2016)

We're off this week, so enjoy our first archived demo! This episode is our first attempt at creating the podcast. Some things worked, some things didn't. Also, we got Mitch a better microphone. But at the risk of rambling, here's what you can expect: Who is coming up with the ratio of chips to guacamole? How did we originally begin to domesticate wolves? What were cavemen building out of snow? How did humans become the only animal to ride other animals? The Important Questions returns with...

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E8 (November 25, 2016)

It's the season finale! All that means is why we record new batches of episodes, the next few weeks will feature bonus content. We'll still be around....

Anyways, this Thanksgiving Day release is sure to get your family talking. What could you fill a pinata with to ruin a child's birthday party? Why doesn't the human race appreciate their spleens like we do for other organs? At what point does a big dick go from a gift to a curse? Is space travel paving the way for a new Oregon Trail...

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E7 (November 17, 2016)

Welcome to this, our finest seventh episode of all seventh episodes. This week the discussion leads us down a dark path. What are astronauts doing when they get bored in space? How would human life differ if we adopted the cows' four-stomach system? What's the best way to remedy catchy songs in your head? When is it acceptable to use child leashes? Also heads up - you still have until December 3 to download Episode 5 on Soundcloud. For every 5 downloads, we're planting a tree!

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E6 (November 10, 2016)

On this magnificent 6th episode, the questions go harder than they've ever gone before. Why are we so quick to road rage? Why, of all milk choices, did we end up with the cow? What is the order of proper burger assembly? What would be the weirdest place to find a tiny working human face? We won't be planting trees this episode, but as a heads up - you can still download episode 5 until December 3rd on Soundcloud and get us to plant some more trees!

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E5 (November 03, 2016)

Episode 5!! This episode only: For every 5 downloads through Soundcloud (up until December 3) we at The Important Questions will plant 1 tree. For real! This week we take on some burning, itching, sensational questions. How are adults still unable to keep a clean bathroom? What battle went down to make the lion King of the Jungle? Is any food is large quantities automatically disgusting? If Satan had 8 tiny reindeer, who would make that team? As always, please leave a comment and ask your own...

The Important Questions

The Important Quetsions S1E4 (October 27, 2016)

Welcome back, all. This week on The Important Questions, we seek to solve some serious issues. For example, how would our society differ today if dinosaurs still existed? What happens to people who win lifetime supplies? What does God do when he gets bored? Why do our fortune cookie fortunes always disappoint us? All of that.....but no more. Have a great week!

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E3 (October 14, 2016)

Hello, listeners. Here's what we're breaking down for you. If humans had a bug fix, what would be in human 2? Why is it unacceptable to use the hollow coffee stirrers as a straw for your coffee? Why would a modernizing world still allow for 1 ply toilet paper? And has Hollywood been scaring off alien invasions with their films?

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E2 (October 13, 2016)

Ever thought your #5 run of the mill fast food combo lacked the magic you knew in the old kids meals? Do you need to be concerned about your diet before your next doctor's visit? How valuable is life in terms of daily pee breaks? Finally, why not make a depressing daily reminder for yourself daily? Get in here and figure it all out with us.

The Important Questions

The Important Questions S1E1 (October 13, 2016)

Welcome home, friends. This is The Important Questions. Here on week 1 we're skipping the introductions and heading straight into the dirty work. Why are buffet kings everywhere not challenged to their roles? Did your mother potential hate you before sending you to school as a child? When can you start celebrating your favorite holidays? What happened in Superman's puberty? All that answers are inside.